I just saw a hot homeless man
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
