mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
