I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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