very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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