first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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