pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
