I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
