I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
