Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I didn't notice because vodka
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
