May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize