I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
