yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
