After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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