I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
