We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
