Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
