She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
