The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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