I'm pants shitting drunk right now
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
