we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
