I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
