tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
