Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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