Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
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