Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize