does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
