I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
