I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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