and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
