the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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