i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
