I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
