i don't like sucking hair
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Dignity is for republicans.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
