i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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