I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
