Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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