Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I currently don't understand fingers.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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