can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
