My boss' voice literally gives me gas
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
