I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
