Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
i black out too much to be "responsible"
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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