I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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