It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
