Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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