I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
