Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
