Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
