i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
