I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
