sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Let's paint friendship bongs
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
