So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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