I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Randomize