we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
