Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
