who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
