I puked a lego.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
