I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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