when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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