my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
