i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize