A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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