Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
