i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize