I wannas sexs uuuuu
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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