Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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