guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
