he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
This is the high leading the old right now
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
