I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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