That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
