He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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