The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
