I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
