Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
