All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
He passed out mid-signature
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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