We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
