I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
