Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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