tell your sister to shave her snatch
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
